Reduce Toxic Holiday Stress

A survey found that 62% percent of people said their holiday stress levels are “very or somewhat” high and only 10 percent said they had no holiday stress. The stressors included managing difficult family dynamics, finances, and finding enough time for everything.

When we have space between ourselves and our families the rest of the year, we can be hopeful that toxic behaviors – such as control, micro-management, threats of taking things away unless we do things a certain way, constant criticism, blaming, and even emotional abuse – will be different this holiday season. We can hope for the best.

But you can set reasonable expectations beforehand. This way, if your family members haven’t changed, you will be prepared. Keep in mind, you are not there to fix them. You do not have to assist and help them through every crisis and drama.

Self-care needs to be your top priority. There are only two things you can control: your thoughts and your actions. You can’t control other people. You cannot change someone else’s behaviors, but you are responsible for your own happiness and how you choose to respond.

Set Boundaries

Holidays expose our need for boundaries with our families. It’s important to set boundaries before you’re in the midst of holiday festivities – so set them now. Decide what’s important to you and protect your boundaries with everything you’ve got. Be honest with yourself about what you can handle and speak up if it all becomes too much. Prioritize your time and only commit to what you want to do.

There is a difference between tolerating familial toxicity and feeling powerless to change it – as opposed to defining our boundaries about what we will and won’t accept. Stand by your boundaries. Never give someone else the power to continually and deliberately treat you badly – even if it is a family member.

Take a Time Out

If things are getting heated, it can be helpful to go for a walk, spend a little time in a different room, listen to music – whatever helps you cool down. If you are feeling overwhelmed or tense, find way to step away for a moment and collect yourself. We often regret the actions or things we said when we are upset. Just walk away from a stressful situation.

Don’t Rehash Old Issues

Being back with family can take you back to difficult memories. But if you’re feeling frustrated or upset, remember that you aren’t staying forever. If you can manage it, it might be easier to put up with things until the trip’s over. But if you think something needs to be confronted, it’s better to set aside time when everyone’s feeling calm to talk about things.

Stay Healthy

One of the most powerful tools you have to reduce anxiety is sleep. Not only will it keep your stress and anxiety at bay, but it will also help your immune system stay healthy. Try to stick to your normal routine. Having some normalcy can help keep you calm and focused on the day ahead. Plus, it’s a great way to stay sane—especially when you see extended family.

Don’t use alcohol to help you cope. Alcohol will likely make a toxic situation even more toxic. And don’t overdo it on the sugar. You really can have too much of a good thing and too much sugar affects your natural hormone responses, your blood sugar and insulin levels, and your mood.

Get outside and move. Exercising gives your body a way to process and release stress hormones.

Accept That It Won’t Be Perfect

Stop striving for perfection. Instead, focus on enjoying the season. We have this idea that we’re magically supposed to be in a good mood no matter what’s going on in our lives or around us. Don’t feel pressured to put yourself in a good mood. Try to get through the holidays the best you can.

Individual and Family Therapy

When there is toxicity in family relationships, individual and family therapy can directly address toxic issues. Therapy can also help to with communication and conflict-resolution skills to improve family relationships.

The Arise Society is committed to working with students and their families as they re-define the roles they play in each other’s lives. Parents will develop new ways to interact with their kids. We understand that supporting parents and guardians, as they navigate the nuances of the changing relationship with their young adult, promotes family-wide healing and growth.

More information:

How to Set Boundaries with Family: A guide to maintaining your sanity during the holidays

13 Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress

Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Facts and Statistics

Holiday stress: How to cope with toxic family situations

How to Handle the Holidays with a Toxic Family