Throughout my extensive career, from working with trauma victims to co-founding the Second Nature Wilderness Programs for teens, I’ve been driven by a passion for helping young adults transition to their fullest potential. Understanding the intricate web of human connection is essential to this goal. It’s not just about treating symptoms; it’s about understanding the patterns in relationships and leveraging that knowledge to empower young adults.
In this article, we will delve into:
- The unique immersive experience offered by The Arise Society.
- The concept of “bids for connection” and its pivotal role in shaping relationships.
- How familial experiences influence our interactions in broader social contexts.
- The impact of past traumas and conditioning on our ability to connect.
- Strategies to transform dysfunctional relationship patterns.
- The importance of community in fostering healthy relationships.
- Measuring growth and progress in relational dynamics.
- The transformative power of immersive programs for young adults.
Dr. Vaughn Heath, Ph.D
About the Author
In 1998, Vaughn co-founded the Second Nature Wilderness Programs, which changed the industry of outdoor adolescent treatment. While owning and managing these programs, he continued to work with adolescents around issues of trauma, ADHD, depression, anxiety, as well as self-image and eating issues.
From his concern of how students might move from treatment and adjust back into real-life settings, Vaughn founded The Arise Society as a vehicle through which the focus of treatment might shift from mental health issues to real-world issues, namely, college success.
Bids for Connection: Unveiling Relationship Scripts
One of the foundational concepts that has always intrigued and guided my therapeutic approach is the idea of “bids for connection.” This is a term coined by John and Julie Gottman. These are the subtle, often overlooked attempts we make to connect with others. Whether it’s a simple glance, a question, or a shared laugh, these bids are the building blocks of our relationships.
Definition and Importance of “Bidding”
At its core, a bid for connection is an invitation. It’s a gesture that says, “I want to connect with you.” We all make these bids, often unconsciously, as we navigate our daily interactions. Recognizing and responding to these bids is crucial for establishing and maintaining healthy relationships. When our bids are consistently met with understanding and positivity, we feel valued and secure. Conversely, when they’re ignored or met with negativity, it can lead to feelings of rejection and isolation.
Understanding these bids becomes even more critical in the context of The Arise Society’s immersive program for young adults. Our students often come to us with a history of failed bids, leading to a cycle of mistrust and disconnection. By observing and analyzing these bids, we can gain profound insights into their familial influences and personal paradigms.
By creating a safe and supportive environment, we empower our students to recognize and understand their own bidding behaviors. This awareness is the first step towards transformation. It allows them to introspect, understand the origins of their bids, and work towards establishing healthier patterns of connection.
In the next sections, we’ll delve deeper into the impact of past traumas on bidding behaviors and explore strategies to transform dysfunctional patterns. But for now, I invite you to reflect on your own bids. How do you reach out to connect? And how do those around you respond?
The Reflection of Family in Community: Translating Bids to a Larger World
Family, as they say, is our first school. It’s where we learn our earliest lessons about love, trust, and connection. But as we step out into the broader world, the dynamics shift. The bids that were once effective within the confines of our family might not always translate seamlessly into the larger community. This transition, while challenging, offers a unique opportunity for growth and self-awareness.
Family Experiences Influence Bids
Every family has its unique language of love and connection. In some families, a gentle touch or a shared meal signifies deep affection, while in others, it might be words of affirmation or acts of service. These familial “languages” shape our bidding behaviors. For instance, a young woman who grew up in a family where open communication was encouraged might use direct verbal bids. She might openly express her feelings and seek validation. However, in a different setting, where indirect communication is the norm, her bids might be perceived as too forward or intrusive.
At The Arise Society, I’ve had the privilege of working with diverse young adults, each bringing with their unique familial imprints. One of the most poignant examples was a young lady who grew up in a household where silence was a form of protest. In her family, withholding communication was a powerful bid for attention. However, in the community setting of our immersive program, her silence was often misunderstood as disinterest or aloofness.
Case Examples: Bids in Different Contexts
Another memorable case was a young man who used gifts as bids. In his family, presenting gifts was a way to mend rifts and show love. But in a broader social context, his constant gifting was sometimes seen as overcompensation or an attempt to buy affection.
These examples underscore the importance of understanding the context of bids. What works within a family setting might not always be effective in a larger community. Recognizing this discrepancy is crucial for our students as they navigate the complexities of adult relationships.
At The Arise Society, we emphasize the importance of adaptability. While it’s essential to honor our familial influences, it’s equally vital to learn and adapt to the diverse bidding languages of the world around us. By doing so, we not only enrich our own relational experiences but also contribute positively to the larger community.
As we delve deeper into the nuances of bids, it’s essential to address the darker side – the dysfunctional bids that arise from past traumas and conditioning. In the next section, we’ll explore these challenges and the transformative strategies we employ to address them.
Discover more about our approach to treating Failure to Launch Syndrome.
Dysfunctional Bids: Decoding the Impact of Past Trauma and Conditioning
While the concept of bids for connection sheds light on the beautiful intricacies of human relationships, it’s essential to recognize that not all bids are created equal. Some bids, shaped by past traumas or conditioning, can be dysfunctional, leading to misunderstandings, conflicts, and emotional disconnection. Understanding and addressing these dysfunctional bids is crucial for fostering genuine, healthy relationships.
Examination of Dysfunctional Bids
Dysfunctional bids often arise from unhealed wounds. They are cries for connection masked by behaviors that might seem counterintuitive. For instance, a young adult who has experienced rejection might use aggressive or confrontational bids, pushing people away even when they deeply desire connection. This aggressive behavior is not a true reflection of their desire but a protective mechanism to avoid further hurt.
Another common dysfunctional bid I’ve observed at The Arise Society is excessive self-deprecation. Some students, conditioned by past experiences of criticism or bullying, might constantly put themselves down, hoping that others will contradict them and offer validation.
Addressing Dysfunctional Bids
Recognizing dysfunctional bids is just the first step. The real transformation happens when students learn to replace these bids with healthier ones. For instance, instead of using aggression as a bid, they might learn to express their feelings of vulnerability and seek reassurance. Instead of self-deprecation, they might learn to ask for validation directly.
This transformation is not just about changing behaviors; it’s about healing wounds and rewriting relational scripts. It’s about empowering our students to form genuine connections, free from the shadows of past traumas.
As we journey further into the world of bids and connections, we’ll explore how these insights can be used to address the challenging phenomenon of Failure to Launch syndrome. Stay with me as we delve into this transformative approach.
Explore our approach to addressing complex relational dynamics.
Transformation through Insight: A New Approach to Treating Failure to Launch
One of the most pressing challenges many young adults face today is the phenomenon commonly referred to as “Failure to Launch” syndrome. It’s a term that describes young adults who struggle to transition into the typical milestones of adulthood, such as gaining employment, pursuing higher education, or establishing independent living. While societal pressures and external factors play a role, at the heart of this challenge often lie unaddressed emotional and relational dynamics. Within the thigh-knit community of The Arise Society, our licensed clinical therapists can observe individuals performing their unique bids for connection. Empowered with this knowledge, we can then inform and teach the student how to understand and how to improve their attempts to connect.
Understanding Bidding Behavior
At The Arise Society, we believe that understanding one’s own bidding behavior is a pivotal step in addressing the Failure to Launch syndrome. When young adults can decode their patterns of seeking connection, they gain invaluable insights into the barriers that hold them back. For instance, a young adult who consistently uses passive-aggressive bids might find it challenging to form collaborative relationships in a professional setting. Recognizing this pattern allows them to address the underlying issues and develop healthier ways of connecting.
Strategies for Healthier Bids
The transformative journey at The Arise Society involves equipping our students with strategies to replace dysfunctional bids with healthier ones. Through experiential learning, role-playing, and real-world applications, they practice new ways of seeking connection. For example, a student who typically withdraws as a bid for attention might learn to express their needs directly, fostering more transparent communication and stronger relationships.
Treating Failure to Launch Syndrome
Addressing the Failure to Launch syndrome is not just about teaching job skills or academic strategies; it’s about holistic growth. By understanding and transforming their relational dynamics, our students are better equipped to navigate the challenges of adulthood. They learn to form genuine connections, advocate for their needs, and build a support system that propels them toward independence and success.
Building a Young Adult Community: Empowering Change through Connection
Community is more than just a collection of individuals; it’s a dynamic tapestry of relationships, interactions, and shared experiences. For young adults grappling with the challenges of transition, a supportive community can be the difference between stagnation and transformative growth. At The Arise Society, we place immense value on fostering a vibrant community that empowers our students to thrive.
Community is a Mirror
Humans are inherently social beings. We thrive on connection, understanding, and mutual support. In the context of young adults facing the challenges of “Failure to Launch,” a community offers more than just companionship; it provides a mirror. Through interactions with peers, mentors, and therapists, our students gain insights into their relational dynamics. They witness the impact of their bids, both functional and dysfunctional, and learn from the feedback they receive.
Moreover, a community setting offers countless opportunities for experiential learning. Whether it’s a group therapy session, a college class, employment, or a social event, every interaction is a chance to practice and refine their bidding behaviors.
Social Skills Improvement
One of the core objectives of The Arise Society’s immersive program is to equip our students with robust social skills. But these skills are not just taught; they are lived. In our community setting, students practice active listening, empathy, assertiveness, and conflict resolution in real-time. They learn the nuances of non-verbal communication, the art of compromise, and the importance of setting healthy boundaries.
Furthermore, our community is diverse, reflecting the multifaceted nature of the real world. This diversity challenges our students to adapt their bids to different individuals and contexts, fostering flexibility and resilience.
The Progression of Bids: Measuring Growth in Relationships
Comparative List of Bids
To provide a clearer picture, let’s explore a comparative list of bids that pull people closer versus those that push them away:
Bids that Pull People Closer:
- Direct communication of needs and feelings.
- Active listening and genuine curiosity.
- Expressions of gratitude and appreciation.
- Constructive feedback delivered with empathy.
- Openness to feedback and a willingness to adapt.
Bids that Push People Away:
- Passive-aggressive communication.
- Withholding affection or communication as a form of punishment.
- Constant criticism without offering solutions.
- Dismissive behavior or invalidation of others’ feelings.
- Avoidance of conflict or refusal to address issues.
Measuring Growth through Bids
At The Arise Society, we closely observe the evolution of our students’ bids. This progression not only indicates their personal growth but also the effectiveness of our immersive program. By charting this journey, we can tailor our interventions, celebrate milestones, and address any lingering challenges.
In essence, the progression of bids offers a window into the soul, revealing the depths of transformation and the promise of genuine, lasting connections.
Conclusion: The Transformative Power of The Arise Society’s Immersive Program
From understanding the intricate dynamics of bids for connection to witnessing the profound transformations of young adults at The Arise Society, it’s evident that relationships lie at the heart of our well-being and success.
The Immersive Experience
The Arise Society’s immersive program for young adults is not merely a therapeutic intervention; it’s a holistic journey of self-discovery, growth, and empowerment. By delving deep into the patterns of relationships, we equip our students with the tools and insights they need to navigate the complexities of adulthood. Whether they’re grappling with anxiety, depression, borderline personality disorder, or other challenges, our program offers a beacon of hope and a roadmap to success.
Reflecting on Bidding Behaviors
As I often share with my students, introspection is the key to transformation. By understanding and reflecting on our bidding behaviors, we can unlock the doors to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Whether it’s in the context of family, friendships, or professional interactions, the principles remain the same. Recognize the bid, understand its origins, and respond with empathy and authenticity.
An Invitation to Parents
To the dedicated parents, who are seeking the best for their young adults, I extend a heartfelt invitation. If you recognize social challenges, the struggles of transition, or the symptoms of the “Failure to Launch” syndrome in your child, know that there is hope. The Arise Society stands ready to partner with you, offering a transformative experience that goes beyond mere treatment. Together, we can empower your child to embrace their fullest potential, forging a path of success, independence, and genuine connection.
We are here for you and your young adult. Please contact us.